Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
