He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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