so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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