I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
