drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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