when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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