she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
