TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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