two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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