good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
