Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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