mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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