conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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