You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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