Where is the hickey?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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