oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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