I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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