i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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