Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
