You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
