New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
