I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
