Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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