She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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