I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
