The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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