I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
