I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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