I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
