I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this just has baby written all over it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
