You just made me feel so damn special
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
