i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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