I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
