meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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