Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
