If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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