I cannot find my penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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