I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
