cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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