capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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