i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
