Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
