dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
