Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
