So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
