If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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