brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
