I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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