I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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