Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
